hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
