When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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