i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
