he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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