the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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