cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
