your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
