I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
