I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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