It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
