one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
