i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
