I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
