You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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