I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
