What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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