Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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