Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
