dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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