Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
