Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
