You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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