Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
