I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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