Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
