I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
