i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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