his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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