Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
