In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
