hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
