if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
