Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
