I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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