MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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