Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
