my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
