If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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