yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
