You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
