My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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