And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
