ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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