I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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