I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
