I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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