Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
