sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
