Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
