I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
