So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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