Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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