haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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