I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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