just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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