I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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