I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
