are you so shy because you have an std?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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