I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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