She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
