Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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